


the sound of grief

by space_storm



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Shock, and pain...he can't escape it, mafuyu is stuck in his thoughts, yukis guitar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:47:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23661034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_storm/pseuds/space_storm
Summary: This takes place one week after Yuki's suicide. Here we see Mafuyu trying to wrap his head around what's happened and he has a tiny flashback.
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Yoshida Yuuki
Kudos: 32





	the sound of grief

**Author's Note:**

> This is short and "sweet" because honestly this was too painful to write. Please enjoy the Given angst that I can't escape.
> 
> Also, I referenced the tune Mafuyu hums because in my mind (manga spoiler) the song Yuki created before his death, the same one his surviving friends wanted Uenoyama to play, was for Mafuyu. Does that make sense? Haha, words and commas and theories.

It’s been one week. Seven days. 168 hours. 

Mafuyu’s eyes half-heartedly flicker over to the clock on his wall. 

Correction: 169 hours.

He stares at the ceiling as he lay on his bed clutching the red guitar, his fingers continuously ghosting over the five strings that are still present. 

The guitar is not whole without the sixth string just as he is not whole without Yuki.

At the thought of his name, Mafuyu grips the instrument tighter. 

It has been one week since he last saw him, last heard his laughter, his voice, felt his warmth… 

Maybe he should say since he last saw him breathing because if Mafuyu is to be honest with himself, he still sees his late boyfriend everywhere. He still hears his voice. He still feels his warmth. He can’t escape it. 

Like a record on repeat. Everything — every moment, every conversation, every touch they shared together is playing over and over in his head. 

A part of him is thankful that this is the current state of his mind. He hasn’t fully processed the fact that Yuki is gone.

_Gone_

A pang in his heart.

Right. He hasn’t truly accepted it. Therefore, he welcomes the ghost of his late boyfriend.

A sigh drifts from Mafuyu as he recalls the last moment they were in this very room.

…

_Yuki sat on the bed strumming at the guitar as Mafuyu laid his legs across his lap._

_“Mafuyu, you know I can’t play the guitar like this.” His eyes knitted together as he feigned annoyance and he moved a hand to tickle the bottom of his foot._

_Mafuyu started laughing and kicked lightly at his other half’s fingers, “Stop, stop, stop!”_

_Yuki chuckled and gripped onto his foot._

_“Hey.”_

_Mafuyu regained composure and looked him in the eyes. “Hm?”_

_“I want to play you a song that I’ve been working on. Will you listen?”_

_He noticed the change Yuki’s tone — determination colored with the desire to be heard by him._

_Mafuyu shifted his legs off of the others lap and sat up, giving Yuki his undivided attention. He nodded, “Mhm.”_

_His boyfriend smiled — it was a big toothy grin that made him blush. Yuki leaned over to land a peck on his cheek. With that, he positioned himself and took a deep breath._

_As if counting himself down, his whole body froze for a brief moment and then his fingers began to move._

_As Yuki started playing the melody, Mafuyu couldn’t help but get lost in the waves of sound that pulsed from the strings. He always thought the other was talented, but it was when the two of them were alone and Yuki was strumming wildly did Mafuyu realize how brilliant he truly was._

_He watched fingers skillfully fly over strings, pumping out a soft rhythm. The music caressed along Mafuyu’s skin and dug into each crevice of his body. In return, goosebumps raised to meet it._

_Mafuyu’s eyes fluttered between Yuki’s fingers and his face, noticing how engrossed the other was in his performance._

_As the song came to it’s final notes, Mafuyu realized that the chords Yuki played sounded similar to the ones he always found himself humming. His whole body stilled and all he could hear were those last few notes on repeat. With that, his heart began beating faster and his face flushed._

_There was silence as Yuki stopped playing. He huffed a few breaths as if worn out and then looked up to meet Mafuyu’s eyes._

_“Yuki…” was all Mafuyu could say after a moment._

_The other set his guitar to the side and then spoke. “I know you’ve had something on your mind for awhile now. I realize I can’t speak for you, but-”_

_Before Yuki could finish speaking, Mafuyu threw himself over the other and hugged him tightly._

…

Mafuyu rolls onto his side at the thought of touching Yuki. He unconsciously curls his body around the guitar wishing those endlessly familiar and comforting arms were holding him. 

He just can’t understand why. 

Why would he say something so stupid to Yuki? Why would Yuki kill himself in return? Why was he the one who found him? 

Why can he feel the pain, yet not? Why can’t he just fucking _cry? ___

____

____

“Why?!” He grinds out through his teeth, a broken and tearless sob escaping his lips.

The pain, it hurts so bad. It radiates through each limb, down to each finger and toe. It consumes him to the point that he feels nothing at all. 

_Is this shock?_

Mafuyu can’t be sure if this is just a part of the grieving. He’s never experienced something to this extreme. Even when he was younger and his dad would hit him, it could never amount to what he saw last week and to what he is going through now.

Yuki is the love of his life, at least he was supposed to be. They talked about their future together in very scattered conversations throughout the course of several years. To outsiders it appeared as a fleeting love that would most likely dissipate after high school, but to Mafuyu and Yuki it was a love that would last their whole lifetime.

Mafuyu finds it ironic now that it did, in fact, last Yuki’s lifetime. Until it was ripped away, like two souls viciously pulled apart.

He recalls his last words to his other-half.

_“Are you willing to die for me then?”_

Mafuyu didn’t realize it at the time, but those words were a selfish trap that Yuki would unknowingly get caught in.

Now he desperately wishes to take them back. 

_If I can just go back, I’ll change it all. Even if I can’t take back my words, I’ll run to your place and hold you tightly until the sadness is gone. I’ll kiss your face, I’ll touch your hair, I’ll tell you how much I love you…_

At that thought, Mafuyu feels as if he’s suffocating. Like all the air in the room has been sucked out, he struggles to breathe. 

Clutching the guitar closer, he counts to 5 and inhales.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Exhale.

He repeats this for several moments. What first starts out as a minute, turns into an hour. 

By the time he calms down, the sun is set and the moon is shining through the darkness of his room. He thinks about turning a light on, but can’t move.

Just as he’s about to force his body up, his hand accidentally tweaks one of the strings. 

And just like that, his heartstrings painfully snap.


End file.
